Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I have a friend here at our apartment complex, let's call her Cee. We met on the playground, where both of us were watching our girls play. Cee has a three year old named Kay. Cee was the first person who actually approached me in Indiana for friendship; I had already known my friend, M, from blogging.

So Cee and I became good friends. We spent a lot of time together during the summer, doing things with the girls. Going to the park, the pool, the State Fair. She even visited Michigan with us.

Cee had a terrible childhood, about everything you can imagine happening to a little girl, she went through. Father unknown, mother an addict, in and out of jail. Cee was abused, neglected, molested, in foster care, back with her mom. She was eventually adopted by a distant relative and made it through high school.

As a result, she has some emotional problems. I've talked to her in depth, but I'm not a professional, only a friend. She is on some fairly heavy medication, but every doctor she has seen has recommended, strongly, that she seek therapy. She never has actually picked up the phone and done it, though, so the problems just get lost in a haze of anti-depressants, they don't actually get confronted and resolved.

She is a very sweet person, but she is very needy. She recently had a second child, and it's as if she never had a first. She calls me with questions about things that are just common sense, and always wants me to come over and just hang out. Which, I can't always do. I have a family and home of my own.

I also am starting to feel like I've been taken advantage of. When Cee decided to change jobs, I watched Kay for over a month, and Cee and I agreed that she would pay me $100 a week, when she could afford it. Kay, I should add, is a handful. I could list the ways, but she is a demon child, and when she bit Mia, I kind of lost it. I've never seen any of the money, needless to say. Not even a mention of it. Like that whole month of hell never happened. Even if she would have said thank you, or taken me out to lunch, I would feel better about it, that she appreciated it and didn't just take me for granted.

She also quit that job, which paid a lot more than her previous fast food career, about two months into it.

When we move next month, we will be on the other end of town. I'm going to quietly break up with Cee and not talk to her six times a day on the phone. I'll still talk to her once in a while, but this is becoming a toxic relationship for me. My life has not been a walk down the red carpet with a bowl of Maraschino cherries waiting at the end. I've finally gotten myself to a place where I am fairly happy. I feel like I can't support someone who does nothing to help themselves. I've always been the type of person that when something is broken, I fix it. I can't fix this one, though, and I can't be the support anymore.


Donna H said...

I remember the people who loved me when I wasn't lovable. I had a background like your friend. Lead by example but if you find you can't draw the line then move on. She will move on too. When she has had her fill of herself then she will get the help she needs. Trouble is, she is looking for a parent in you. She is calling you for parenting advise because she has no real parent to call, and you are a good parent. Having no good family history to draw on she can only guess what normal is. In the parent/adult/child model, she is a child trying to parent children. It's to bad for the kids. They will likely end up parenting her at some point and the cycle continues.

judemiller1 said...

Ohgosh--I have been in those kinds of relationships too--'cause I thought I could help the person. You are lucky that you are moving that will make the "break-up" easier--you don't need this kind of toxic relationship in your life My Dear Friend. Sad to say, but sometimes--those people just can't be helped by people like us. But you tried and you do right by her...

Ronni said...

I suspected as much when I met her. You have given her over a year of parenting example, of family life example. You have, literally, done all you could for her.

Time to do something for you.

You act like such a tough cookie, but you know what? You are a marshmallow bunny at heart!

I love you, Lisa. Do something for you.

fvracer_x said...

"You act like such a tough cookie, but you know what? You are a marshmallow bunny at heart!"

- heh, truer words Ronni...


Have the T-shirt said...

I can sure relate to this, been there in the past for sure. You have come to the right conclusion, that you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Just don't break up with me when you move!