Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Non-Celebrity Death

My biological mother Connie died.

For those of you who don't know, I was adopted as an infant. As a side note, so was my husband, and we adopted our daughter Mia. Throw Dexter into the mix, and we could be a poster for the blended family.

I grew up always knowing I was adopted. My mom and dad made it a positive experience for me. I always wondered about where I came from, and my mom told me everything she knew, which wasn't much.

After I had Dexter, I became more curious. It took me a while to actually commit to doing something about it. My mom encouraged me, and helped me. Eventually, I ended up at the Oakland County Courthouse in Pontiac, and paid for a search. It worked like this: They did a search for the original records of the adoption and released the non-identifying information. Then, they tried to contact the biological family to see if they wanted to establish communication. Not all biological families do, and sometimes, the information just isn't available.

Connie and I exchanged letters and talked on the phone. About a month later, we met. I found out that we shared a birthday, July 28. She gave birth to me on her thirty-third birthday. She gave me pictures of herself in her younger days, and we looked very much alike. We also shared mannerisms. When I met my half-sister and brother, they were a little freaked out, I think, at the resemblance.

I never established a close bond with Connie. I suppose it is mostly my fault. I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I am close to my brother and sister and I cherish those relationships.

My sister took care of Connie these last years, when Connie's health had declined. She carried the burden of making the decisions, much as I did when I lost my mom. I know how difficult it is to see your mother dying slowly, before your eyes.

I'm only starting to be Gobsmacked by this.

RIP Connie, and thank you making the most difficult decision any mother can.


T said...

My mom gave a baby girl up for adoption when she was quite is not an easy decision and one that never leaves you! She found my mom and in turn was not a positive situation, there was a lot of anger towards my mom and things did not go well and now we do not speak! I commend you Lisa on having a relationship with your sister and brother and I hope that Connie has found some peace!!!

fvracer_x said...

Thanks to my my Bio-Mum for making the same hard decision. RIP Connie


loretta said...

You did her proud, Lisa.

Nadine said...

Be kind to yourself, Lisa. Those feelings can be exhausting.

Rest in peace, Connie.

Ronni said...

Nobody notified me when my bio-mother died. We did meet, and I met most of my siblings. I guess I didn't measure up, because after they shipped us to England for an inspection, we never heard from them again.

Until Jim's death, the worst pain I ever felt was giving up my first child to adoption. It is shattering. I am glad I managed to go through with it, though. It was better for the baby.

I am sure Connie was proud of you, Lisa.