Sunday, October 25, 2009

In Case You Were Wondering

I haven't written shit or shinola in the past week, as far as writing. I feel like I need to, I made a commitment to do this, and I try to count my blog, but more often than not, I'm boring here. My day-to-day life is not very compelling. Writing about it is certainly not using my craft.

If indeed, I do possess a true gift for the craft, which I sometimes doubt.

I'm so lazy. I have problems finishing projects. I always have. I can remember trying to teach my cousin Peggy to knit, and my aunt commenting that I need to finish things I start. I distinctly remember a shrink I used to see telling me, you can't go on to another thing, meaning relationships, until you've finished the last. I leave threads hanging all over every thing I sow.

I did, however, become adept at tying up loose threads with past relationships. They all hate me. No loose ends with that. I do it that way. I'm not particularly proud of this, but I did rock a few worlds back in the day and beat feet when my life started inspiring me to listen to country music in more than an ironic/iconic way. Going got tough, Lisa got going.

That was the Story Of My Life.

Martin and I have had every sort of crisis and downturn and awful thing happen. Everything horrible you can imagine happening to a couple, short of cheating or our child getting sick. Financial ruin, check; substance abuse, check; physical illness and/or catastrophe; check. I've hung onto it all. I've turned it over and dwelled on it and let it go. Just let it go and move on. It's been a big realization for me. Like, we fought the law and the law didn't win. We did. I'm the least romantic of people. I hate the mushy shit. Martin loves romantic comedy movies, he believes in romance, but he also believes I really need my anti-depressants as well, so I guess it's working.

Now, I need to write. Like one of my inspiration books says, "If not now, when?"

It's okay to be filled with doubt about this. I know, I know in my mind and in my heart, sometimes, I can write something, if only a sentence, sometimes a whole passage, that can knock my socks, and yours, off.

I just need to do it.


Have the T-shirt said...

Yep, you just need to do it. least something!

Robby said...

There are people in quiet corners of the world reading the written word. We await your next keystroke. Write!


Ronni said...

I think you are more romantic than you think you are. So is Martin...but I love your horror stories!

culdesacchronicles said...

"I leave threads hanging all over every thing I sow."

Very punny!